


But You Won't Have To Do It Alone

by BeNiceToNerds



Category: Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon | Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon
Genre: F/F, Gen, The shipping really is not the main point of this, achronological storytelling, coming out story, though it does exist
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-29
Updated: 2015-12-29
Packaged: 2018-05-10 06:31:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5574534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeNiceToNerds/pseuds/BeNiceToNerds
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The one where nobody is straight, and some people have a better time of it than others. Primarily Inner Senshi friendship fluff and mild gay angst, feat. Usagi and guest starring Mamoru.</p>
            </blockquote>





	But You Won't Have To Do It Alone

It begins on the side of the road, one overcast Wednesday, when Minako notices an attractive woman walking past, and, naturally, because who wouldn’t, comments on it. She’s done this dozens of times before. About men too, obviously, because the self-styled goddess of love can appreciate good-looking people of all types.

Look, she really thought everybody knew, okay? She’s never tried to be subtle about it.

But apparently they didn’t, because Minako’s off-hand statement is received with a bunch of very confused looks from her three friends present, all of whom are looking anywhere but at her. There is awkward silence for a while, until Ami says what they’re all thinking.

“Minako-chan, you like girls?”

“Well, yes,” Minako says, voice a little too high. “And boys. I still like boys. I say stuff like this all the time, I thought it was obvious. I didn’t realise it would be such a big deal.”

Her voice cracks a little on the last, and her friends jump over themselves to reassure her that no, it’s fine, they don’t mind, they’re friends with Haruka and Michiru, remember, how could Minako think they’d care. It’s just surprising, you know?

“Well I don’t have a problem with it,” Makoto tells her, glaring at Rei, “but other people might.”

Rei snaps back at her (“what are you implying?”) - and Minako thought these two were done with this dumb grudge match already, but no, apparently not - until Ami makes them shut up (“you’re not helping Minako-chan!”). They do, but now there is a tension in the group that wasn’t there before, and Minako wishes she could go back in time and shut her big stupid mouth before she said anything.

When Usagi shows up, ten minutes later, Minako doesn’t tell her. She wants to keep one friend where things aren’t weird.

\---

No, it doesn’t begin then. It begins much earlier than that. It begins when Sailor Moon comes charging in to save them in battle, and injures an ankle, and Rei has to help Usagi limp home and come up with a lie for her mother. It begins when Rei gets home and finds Usagi in her room (again), reading her manga (again), and can’t bring herself to get properly mad (again). It begins when a manga series Rei’s been following for a while introduces a yuri subplot, and she finds herself reading that one issue over and over, coming up with a dumb excuse to explain why it’s the most well-worn of the series.

It begins when Rei looks at Usagi, a week after finding that manga, and catches herself thinking of the other girl in that way, and then all she can think is oh, shit.

\---

But that’s not when it begins either. It begins with Haruka. It begins when Makoto looks up at her and feels the same triple-beat in her heart that never fails to remind her of her senpai. Unfortunately for her, Mako is a terrible liar, and she can’t stomp down on the feelings before anyone notices. She doesn’t want these feelings. She’s already enough of a freak, with her tomboyish hobbies and masculine build. Can’t she just like boys, be a normal girl?

And, of course, Usagi notices, and tells everyone else, and tells her that she’s wrong, she shouldn’t have these feelings. Mako wishes she didn’t have them, wishes her friends would just shut up.

They have the wrong idea, she tells them a few days later, fed up with everything. She’s not attracted to Haruka. It’s just admiration; that confidence in her feminine masculinity Mako only wishes she could have.

Eventually, she even starts to believe it herself.

\---

For Ami, it begins with D-point, when her best friend dies before her eyes and the world comes to a stop. Well, it doesn’t begin with D-point itself - she’s busy, then, fighting a battle she knows she’ll lose, just to buy her friends enough time to save the world. All she has time to think of then is dodge-bubble-spray-hit-illusions-are-from-there-have-to-cut-it-down-have-to-help-the-others. So even if it starts with D-point in her memories, really it starts after.

Or maybe it starts before. Maybe it starts with Urawa Ryo, the boy she loved and then lost with the reset. Maybe it starts with Mako calling her out. With Mako telling her she was using friendship as shield to hide from feelings she never wanted and didn’t understand. (Ami never really wanted to fall in love, either time. It just sort of happened.)

Or maybe it starts later, once she meets Haruka and Michiru. Maybe it only begins once she realises they’re dating – realises that two girls dating is a thing that can happen, that feeling about girls the same way she’s supposed to feel about boys is even possible. Maybe it only begins once she has enough information to put all pieces of the puzzle together.

But really, for Ami, it begins with Mako, and it begins with her memories of a timeline that only sort of exists.

\---

But really, it begins much later than any of that. It begins when Usagi meets Naru and Umino for lunch – she’s been trying to keep in contact with them, even though she can feel themselves drifting apart now that they no longer go to the same school - and they tell her, “you know, Usagi-san, we really don’t mind if you’re gay.”

Usagi splutters. “I’m not gay! I have a boyfriend! You guys know I have a boyfriend! We’ve been dating for years!”

“See, I told you,” Naru tells Umino.

“But, Usagi-san, why do you constantly comment on attractive women?” he asks her.

“Everyone does that!” Usagi says. “Women just notice when other women are pretty, y’know. It doesn’t mean anything. I don’t notice them in the way I notice men. Especially not Mamo-chan…”

Later, at Rei’s, Usagi complains about this to the others.

“Can you believe it? They actually thought that Mamo-chan means nothing to me! Noticing other women is normal, right? You guys are all straight, and I know you do sometimes.”

There is a very strangled silence in the room. Ami looks down at the floor and turns vaguely pink.

“Ah, yes,” Rei says quickly, after a second. “Yes, you’re exactly right. What were those two thinking?”

“Anyway,” Minako adds, “are you trying to sidetrack us with gossip? Don’t think I don’t know what you got on your last English test.”

Usagi starts. “Hey, I was keeping that a secret!”

The conversation moves on to friendly bickering and (eventually) actually studying. Later, after Usagi has left to go meet Mamoru, back from America for a few weeks, the four friends look at each other.

“Someone really should tell her,” Minako says.

\---

The first person Rei had a crush on was Ami, soon after they met. It lasted about a week, and both girls were completely oblivious to it. Later, much later, Rei will look back, and think oh.

The first person Minako had a crush on was Tsumoto Asai, back before she became Sailor V. She forced herself to get over him when she went to England, and fell for another, older guy. Still, it stung a little when she found out later that they could have had something.

The first person Ami had a crush on was Ryo. At least, he was the first crush she let herself admit to. Sometimes, she looks back to try and find out if she’s had others, but she can never get past the walls her past self put up.

Everybody knows who Makoto’s first crush was. For years he formed the standard by which she found all others lacking. (Ami has never reminded Mako of her old senpai. She is grateful for that.)

Not even Usagi can remember who her first crush was. Now and then, she’ll try and remember who they were. But every time she thinks she’s found them she’ll remember someone earlier.

\---

For Minako, realising she likes girls is no big event. It just sort of happens. One day she doesn’t realise. Another day, soon after the Starlights have left, she does, and she has no idea what sort of switch flipped in her brain to make her notice. 

Well, maybe she kind of does. Minako has memories of her past life, more than the others, and she remembers girls. And boys, and people with neither gender. She remembers, and then she remembers having known for years, and of having other people know for years, and then she realises that there’s no reason this life should be any different, not for her.

Anyway, considering what else that particular batch of new memories contain, this isn’t exactly the world’s biggest revelation. Minako files the knowledge of herself away, under ‘less important in the scheme of things’, and moves on with her life.

\---

For Ami, it has never been ‘girls’. It has never been ‘boys’, either. It was Ryo, and then it was Mako, and then Ami’s brain decides that since it has evidence of her liking one boy and one girl that must mean she likes both.

She spends time, after she realises that romance is a thing her brain is actually capable of doing - an Ami-thing and not just an other-people-thing - looking at people on the street, boys and later girls, trying to make herself do the thing her friends do all the time, the noticing-attractive-people thing. It doesn’t really work. She notices pretty people sometimes, but not often, not the way her friends do. Not the way she thinks her friends do, anyway, from the fuss they make about it. But then maybe Ami is just less inclined to melodrama.

After she realises that her brain is as capable of romance and holding down crushes as anyone else’s is, and that so far exactly half of those crushes have been on girls, Ami flees first to books and then, furtively, when her mother isn’t home, to the internet. She researches, finds labels, and, on English-language email groups and chat boards, finds friends, other people more-or-less like her.

She doesn’t tell the others. Not even Mako. Especially not Mako. Just because she’s finally figured out something about herself that doesn’t mean she wants everyone else to know it too.

\---

For Rei, realising that she likes Usagi - no, not just that she likes Usagi, that she likes girls, girls and only girls, and that terrifies her, because if she liked boys too she could at least pretend to be normal - is like finally remembering something that she knew a long time ago and then pushed down and suppressed.

She panics.

She’d stopped the boy-chasing a while ago. Hadn’t had the energy to keep it up. Thinking back, it’s almost as if she’d known before she knows. But now she starts it up again, because Hino Rei is not a lesbian. She can’t be. All she needs to do is ignore Usagi - stupid Usagi, dumb adorable Usagi, annoying selflessly heroic Usagi - and it will pass. This will pass, and Rei will like guys again (she never did, a voice says in the back of her head) and she can be normal again (she never was).

So the next time Yuichiro asks her out she says yes on impulse. The poor boy almost faints from shock. She has fun with him. It’s enjoyable enough. Occasionally - okay, fine, more than occasionally - she’ll catch herself thinking of Usagi instead, and clamps down on those thoughts, hard. She’s a normal girl, now. A normal girl with a normal boyfriend.

One day he kisses her, and she realises (again) how much the feel of his stubble repulses her, how much she wishes he were a girl - not just Usagi, any girl at all - and then it’s all over. She can’t do this anymore. They break up, he mopes for a week, and if the tears she sheds are for her internal closet and not for the breakup - well, hopefully the others won’t figure that out.

Rei becomes more vocal, as well, in her (fake) heterosexuality. Because if she realised it, it’s only a matter of time until the others find out too, and she can’t have that. She starts fighting with Makoto, over dumb little stupid things, because Mako seems to always know what to say to break through Rei’s walls, remind her that what she is is wrong, and leave her with the nagging feeling that not only do the others know, but that they’re judging her for it.

Rei hates that feeling, and so she snaps back at Mako, says some (in hindsight) kind of horrible things, and Mako of course snaps back at that, and they end up fighting until Usagi or Minako or Ami comes to break them up.

“What’s gotten into you two?” Usagi asks, and Rei doesn’t even know how to begin to explain, so she says nothing.

\---

For Mako, liking girls has been a constant she’s known about - and tried to avoid, ignore, stifle, with varying degrees of success - ever since that time with Haruka. Sometimes, her mental gymnastics work, and she can pretend she’s a normal girl. Well, normal as she can be, with her too-big too-masculine body. But normal enough, not some kind of walking stereotype.

But then, sometimes, she can’t.

Ami asks her to dance, and Mako accepts, and for a little while she can ignore the voice in the back of her head, the one that sounds suspiciously like Usagi. The one that whispers, girls don’t dance with girls, because Ami is her friend, her best friend, and this is what friends do for each other. She ignores the traitorous flutter in her stomach, ignores the way she wants to melt – because Ami asking her to dance was one of the sweetest small things anyone has ever done for her – and focusses on dancing with her friend, on having fun, and not on what anyone else thinks about two girls dancing together. Friends do this all the time. It doesn’t have to imply anything about her if she doesn’t want it to.

She jumps at the chance to dance with a man, after. Throws herself into the fairytale romance of it. He’s gorgeous, and charming, and, well, evil, it turns out – but that’s okay, there will always be other men out there, other guys for Mako to dance with, beautiful and kind and male. Exclusively male.

Of course he’d be male. Why would he be anything different?

And then they save the world (again), and Ami dies, they all die. Makoto holds her close, after Usagi brings them all back, but she holds all her friends close, her friends who she would (literally) go to hell and back for. If she feels even more relieved about Ami than the others, well, Ami and Mako have always been close, spending time together that the others could spend with their families.

Ami is her friend, her best friend, and it is nothing more than that.

And then Rei starts saying things, all the dumb stupid straight people things Mako has been hearing for years, hearing and ignoring because they didn’t apply to her. But now, she thinks of Ami, and the words sting a little, but why should they, Mako is normal, Mako likes boys and only boys, those words are targeted at people who aren’t her. Still, sometimes it feels like Rei knows, knows something even Mako is too scared to put to words, and so that instantly sets her on the defensive.

So Makoto snaps back – not just about this, about everything, because everything Rei does seems to get on her nerves nowadays. She needs a punching bag, and Rei seems only too happy to provide. Only, of course, that makes her feels worse. Look at you, the voice in her head says, running away from your problems. Taking them out on everyone around you. Just like a man.

Mako goes for more runs, goes to the gym more, spends more time in the dojo. But no matter how hard she trains she just can’t get away from that voice.

\---

It seems as if the day Mako stops fighting with Rei, she starts fighting with Ami. Minako doesn’t notice at first – she’s too relieved that her friends have stopped being at each other’s throats all the time, with snide comments and hair-trigger tempers. And Ami’s hard to read, when she wants to be. So it takes Minako a few days to notice that something’s up.

Once she does notice, though, she wonders why she didn’t realise earlier. Ami rarely gets angry, but she gets quiet – if Rei is fire, she is ice, and Minako doesn’t even feel bad about thinking in clichés because it is quite literally true. So when Ami and Mako fight, it is quiet. Icy. Harder to spot initially, but no less obvious, not when you know where to look.

And significantly more disconcerting. Minako didn’t like it when Rei and Mako were fighting, doesn’t like having any of her friends at each other’s throats. But at least, then, even if she couldn’t understand why (“neither do I,” Mako told her, “I wish I did. She just gets on my nerves so much recently.”) she could at least understand how. Now she’s clueless, and she doesn’t like it.

Ami and Makoto never fight. Never. But now they are fighting, or at least avoiding each other, and Minako has no idea why.

She wishes she knew. Then, maybe, she could fix things.

\---

One day Makoto just stops rising to the bait. Rei has been doing it intentionally, a bit, recently. Trying to get a rise out of the other girl. She knows that she shouldn’t, but she can’t seem to stop herself. But today, Mako just doesn’t respond. It isn’t that Rei’s words have missed their target – she can see Mako’s whole body tense, and see the other girl visibly bite down a response. But then Mako just relaxes back down, seems to curl in on herself a little.

“I don’t have the energy for this today,” Mako says, quiet, and turns around. Walks away. Leaves Rei standing there, staring after her.

It takes Rei about a minute to recover from her shock – Kino Makoto, voluntarily backing down from a fight? – but then she’s running down the path after her friend.

“Mako-chan, what’s wrong?”

Mako is bitter, when she replies. “Oh, so first you want to fight me, and now you want to make sure I’m ok? Make up your mind, Hino.”

Rei bristles. “I thought we were friends, Mako-chan. I was checking up on you, like friends do. …I – I’m sorry about the fighting,” she adds, when Mako gives her a dubious look.

Mako smiles at her, weakly. “I know that being mean to people is just how you show friendship. This is, like, entirely how you and Usagi-chan function, right?”

Rei is not blushing. Definitely not. “I am sorry, though. I wouldn’t have pushed you today if I’d known you were already upset.”

“I’m not upset about anything,” Mako says, too quickly.

Wow, but that girl is a terrible liar. All Rei has to do is look at her, and Mako blushes a little.

“That obvious?”

“A little,” Rei says, and then, “you should talk about it.”

“I really don’t want to.”

Rei doesn’t push her. It’s not like she’s a stranger to keeping secrets herself.

\---

Ami comes to meet the others with wet hair for two weeks straight, and, when Usagi asks her about it, has the nerve to pretend she’s just training for the next time she races Michiru. When Usagi pushes further, mentions she’s been seeming down lately, that is Ami’s same excuse. She raced Michiru, got thrashed, and is now working to make sure it doesn’t happen again.

“If I seem down, Usagi-chan,” she says, “it’s only because I’m disappointed at myself for not swimming hard enough.”

“But that’s not true!” Usagi complains to Mamoru, later, over the phone. “I talked to Michiru-san, and, like, yeah, she did beat Ami-chan last time they raced, but she said that only happened because Ami-chan was clearly distracted before they even got in the pool. So that can’t be why she’s upset.”

“Ami-chan does like to swim when she’s stressed, doesn’t she?”

“Exactly!” Usagi says. “Something’s up with her, and I wish I knew what it was.”

“Sometimes people don’t want to talk about what’s upsetting them, Usako. You won’t gain anything by pushing her. Just let her know you’re there for her.”

Usagi sighs, pouts. “But I want to do more!”

“All you’ll do if you keep bugging her is push her away.”

Usagi isn’t so sure, but maybe he is right. Maybe she’ll try taking his advice, just for a week – for a few days. Then she’ll see what happens. But one way or another, she will get to the bottom of this. She hates to see her friends upset.

\---

Ami doesn’t want to talk about it. She doesn’t really want to think about it, even, but it seems her thoughts will go to nothing but. She swims laps and laps and laps of the pool, trying to distract herself, but nothing works.

She really wishes the others would stop asking her what’s wrong.

She really wishes she didn’t have to interact with Mako every day, pretend that there isn’t this new awkwardness between them.

She wishes she had closure. A yes or a no, instead of the maybe that she can’t escape from, no matter how many laps she swims, how many personal bests she beats.

\---

When Ami asks her to meet in the park, Makoto creates a long and elaborate list of potential reasons. Senshi business, maybe, but what type of senshi business needs Jupiter and Mercury and no one else? The more personal type of senshi business, maybe? No, that can’t be it – it must be something else. She occupies her time on the way to the park thinking of more and more unlikely scenarios.

What she isn’t expecting is a confession of love.

Ami is bright red and stuttering, not quite bringing herself to meet Mako’s eyes. It is almost adorable (it is absolutely adorable). Still, what she’s saying is definitely clear, and Mako’s entire world freezes.

Ami is looking up at her now, bright blue eyes vulnerable, and Mako doesn’t know what to say. Mako doesn’t know what to think. Mako doesn’t know what to do.

“I don’t know,” she finally says, as Ami looks away again, raises her knees up, hugs them, tucks her chin on them.

“What do you mean, you don’t know?” Ami says, and yes, her voice is cracking.

“I don’t know what I mean,” Mako says. She is shaking. Her voice is shaking, her body is shaking, her world is shaking. “I don’t know if I like girls. I don’t know if I like you.”

“Oh,” Ami says.

Mako wants to hug her, but she knows that physical contact is not something either of them can handle at the moment, so she fights down the urge. Because Mako knows Ami, knows how guarded with her feelings the shorter girl can be, knows there’s no way she would have acted if she hadn’t thought she had a chance. And that means Ami was wrong – she took a risk, and she was wrong. Ami is never wrong. Not until now. And now she has to deal with rejection on top of being wrong, and Mako’s heart aches for her best friend.

Normally it is easy. Normally Mako sees someone hurting Ami, and finds them, and hurts them back. But she doesn’t know what to do when it is herself hurting Ami. Not when she feels herself hurting alongside her.

“I’m sorry,” Mako tells her, and means it. “I really am. I wish I knew.”

She really does.

\---

Afterwards – after the conversation that should have been no big deal but somehow was – Minako spends her time pretending it didn’t happen. She can’t take back her words, but she can ignore the new awkwardness, the stiffness, until it goes away. Act like nothing’s changed. Fake it till you make up, right?

One of the things she goes back to is bugging Makoto about whatever it is that’s obviously been bothering her recently. Minako has tried Ami, too, but the blue-haired girl is better at evading her. She’s always been closer to Mako, anyway.

Mako says she’s fine, but Minako can tell she isn’t. Mako tells her to go away, please, I don’t want to talk about it, and Minako does, but only for a few days. Then, when Mako clearly hasn’t cheered up, Minako tries again. Her friend is upset and so help her, she will not rest until she’s solved that problem.

Also, now, now that it’s awkward, Minako wants any opportunity to turn the conversation away from herself. If she’d known coming out would be this big a deal, she just wouldn’t have done it, sheesh.

So Minako takes the opportunity the next time it comes to her. Rei is working at the shrine, Ami is studying, and – well, nobody actually knows where Usagi is, but it certainly isn’t here. Just her and Mako. It’s the perfect crime.

“Well, I suppose I really should talk about it,” Mako says, when she asks, and Minako feels her jaw drop open. Makoto is actually talking to her! After nearly a month – okay, fine, three weeks - of sulking, Mako is finally actually opening up.

She can’t stop the triumphant smirk that spreads across her face. “I knew I’d finally get you to cave. Nobody can resist the goddess of love.”

“I haven’t actually told you anything yet,” Mako points out, but she is smiling.

“Yeah, but you will.”

“Maybe.” Mako hesitates, and stops smiling. “Um, Minako-chan, can you please keep this a secret. From everyone, including Artemis. He isn’t here is he?”

“Nope,” Minako says. “I don’t know where he is. I haven’t seen him all day.”

“Okay.” Mako sighs and puts her head in her hands. “I just – look, this isn’t just about me, and that’s one of the reasons I didn’t want to talk about it. It didn’t seem fair to them, telling someone else things about them.”

“Ami-chan?” Minako guesses, and is rewarded by a faint look of alarm on Mako’s face.

“Well, yes, but – how?”

“Mako-chan, she’s been sulking for about as long as you have. And you guys haven’t been doing your whole co-dependent best friends thing for weeks. Trust me, it wasn’t hard to figure out.”

“Oh,” Mako says.

“Yeah. Anyway, are you going to talk about it?”

“Promise you won’t tell anyone else about it?”

“Promise,” Minako says, and holds her hand out to swear, the way they did in elementary school.

Mako takes it, smiles weakly. “I – I really don’t know how to start this.”

Minako sits, waits. Patience isn’t something that comes easily to her, but she’s practised it. She can do patience. Sometimes. But she knows that if she pushes Mako, the other girl might spook, and then Minako won’t get to know anything. So she waits until, eventually, Mako speaks.

“She asked me out.”

Oh, Minako thinks. Oh. Suddenly, a lot of little pieces come tumbling into place. The way Ami never really notices boys. The way Mako and Ami interact – the way Ami looks at Mako, when she thinks no one’s watching. The way Mako stopped with the ‘normal people’ speak and the fawning over boys at exactly the same time as she and Ami got distant. Minako can’t believe she hasn’t noticed this before.

“And?” she asks Mako. “What did you say?”

Mako blushes, looks down at her knees, raises a hand to the back of her neck. “I told her I didn’t know.”

“And that’s all you said?”

“Yes.”

Minako wants to shake her. “Mako-chan, that’s a terrible thing to say! Poor Ami-chan must be feeling terrible.”

“I know,” Mako says. She looks like she’s about to cry. “I know I screwed up. I know I should have given her a straight answer. But I didn’t want to lie to her. And I don’t know how I feel.”

“You still haven’t talked to her?”

“No,” she says, miserable. “I’ve been thinking of nothing else, but I still don’t know.”

“Well, you should talk to her,” Minako tells her. “It isn’t fair to Ami-chan to leave her like this.”

“I know,” Mako says again. “I know. But, Mina-chan, I just don’t know what to say. I love Ami-chan, but I don’t know if it’s in the way she wants me to.”

She pauses but then continues. “And I’m scared, Minako-chan, so scared. If I like girls then I like Ami-chan and I don’t want to hurt her but I don’t want to like girls. I want to be normal. I don’t want to be any more freakishly mannish than I already am.” Mako stops, looks at Minako, realises what she’s just said. “I’m sorry. I – there’s nothing wrong with you liking girls.”

Minako’s heart aches for Makoto. She’d say she’s been there – but, really, she hasn’t. Realising she liked girls was easy for her. Like, sure, society isn’t completely accepting, but she didn’t really have an internal struggle about it. She never broke down about the idea that maybe she wasn’t straight. Years of memories had just come into her head at once, and that was that.

Still, Mako’s words also make her suddenly, viciously angry. “You don’t get to do that. You don’t get to say that liking girls is okay for me and not for you. You don’t get to say you’re cool with queer people unless they’re you. You don’t get to say that and hope I don’t get offended, because what you’re saying and what you’re implying are two very different things.”

When she replies, Mako is uncharacteristically quiet. “I’m sorry. Maybe you’re right. I think I don’t care, not when it’s you or Haruka-san and Michiru-san. Not when it’s Ami-chan. But then I think of it being me and everything feels so different. Just one more thing to set me apart. Maybe that means I’m less okay with you guys than I thought. I’m sorry. I don’t mean to hurt you. I can’t help the way I feel. I wish I wasn’t scared.”

Minako hugs her. She’s still angry – hurt for herself, anger for the way Mako’s treated Ami – but she can’t help but feel for the other girl. Mako looks so sad sitting there. She leans into Minako’s touch and wipes tears from her eyes.

More gently now, Minako says, “Mako-chan, it’s okay. You know that I’ll always be your friend. If you do like girls – well, it’d be hypocritical of me to judge you, right?”

“I know. But what about the others? Usagi-chan said some nasty things to me, way back when you thought I liked Haruka-san. You all did. Other than Ami.”

Minako notices the dropped honorific, doesn’t comment on it. “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry about that. I’m sure the others would be too, if they realised how much they hurt you.”

“But they don’t,” Mako says bitterly. “That’s the problem.”

“We were young and sheltered. I’m sure they don’t think that now.”

“I suppose you’d know, wouldn’t you.”

Minako grins at her. “That’s the spirit. You know you have me, and you have Ami-chan.”

“If she doesn’t hate me by now. You said it yourself, I’ve been hurting her every day I take to make up my damn mind.”

“I don’t think Ami-chan is physically capable of hating you, Mako-chan,” Minako says.

Mako smiles at that, and blushes. “You really think so?”

“I know so. I’ve seen the way she looks at you.”

Makoto blushes again, and then stands, grabbing her bag.

“Where are you going?” asks Minako.

“For a run. I need to think about some things, and then tomorrow I need to talk to Ami. I have some apologies to make.” Mako turns to look at her and smiles. “Thank you for listening, Mina-chan. Talking to you really helped me.”

Minako watches her go, feeling happier than she has in days. If I hadn’t come out, Mako-chan wouldn’t have felt brave enough to talk to me, she realises. For that – for being able to make one friend’s life easier – suddenly it all seems worth it. The awkwardness will fade (she hopes) and now she knows she’s not alone in their friend group. There is Ami, now, at least, although she will have to figure out a way to get the other girl to admit it to her. And now maybe that tension between Mako and Ami will finally go away.

Yes, life is certainly looking up.

\---

In the end, Minako doesn’t even need to prod Ami into coming out to her; the other girl just does it on her own. She finds Minako a few days after her conversation with Makoto. Ami looks happier than she has in a long time, and she’s stopped smelling of chlorine. Always a good sign, that.

“Mako told me she talked to you,” she says. “Thank you.”

Minako grins at her. “I take it it worked out?”

Ami smiles back, blushing faintly. “We’re still figuring things out. Taking it slow, you know, letting Mako work through her issues. But we’re figuring things out together, now, and I think I have you to thank for that.”

“All in a day’s work for the goddess of love,” Minako says, and sticks her tongue out at Ami’s affectionately rolled eyes. “So, you know,” she adds, “now I understand why you never cared when we were all talking about guys.”

If Ami was blushing before, now she lights up like a traffic light. “No, no, it’s not like that. I like guys too, okay? I just… I guess I just don’t like very many people. But when I do, it doesn’t really matter what gender they are.”

“Huh,” Minako says. “Makes sense, I guess. Mako-chan should feel special.”

“Mako is special,” Ami says, and beams - a very un-Ami expression. Minako notes how adorable it is while at the same time pretending to gag.

“Stop being so cute. It’s sickening.”

Ami smiles at her again – Minako would say smirks, but since when does Ami do that? “Well, since you’re the one who talked to Mako, really this is all your doing. You have no one to blame but yourself.”

“Can’t argue with that,” Minako says. Ami’s happiness is infectious, and Minako smiles back at her friend. This is definitely a good day.

\---

Loving Ami is easy. Letting herself love Ami, giving herself permission to do it, is hard, but loving Ami – loving Ami is so easy she is surprised by how effortless it all seems. Sometimes it seems so easy, so right, that Mako wonders at why it took her so long to admit it. But other times she’ll wake up hating her body more than usual, wishing she were more feminine, and then loving Ami seems like a weakness and she remembers exactly why it took her so long.

Days like that, Ami will hold her and tell her she’s beautiful. Trace lines on her arms, around her muscles. Run fingers over her broad shoulders. Tell her she likes how tall Mako is. Remind her that Mako is the one who can cook and clean, the one with rose earrings and long hair, the one who can slide so elegantly across ice and dance floors and who cries at romance stories.

“I’m the one with short hair, and I can’t cook anything besides a very basic set of meals, and I mess around on computers for fun. Remind me which of us is the more masculine one again?”

And: “Dating me doesn’t make you a man, Mako. The whole point of this relationship is that we’re both girls, remember?”

Mako will gather Ami in her arms, and bury her face in her hair, and she will love her so much it hurts. Loving Ami is easy.

Loving Ami is making sure the blue-haired girl sleeps, making sure she eats, making sure she remembers to do things other than study on occasion. Loving Ami is bringing her lunch, sometimes, so that she doesn’t have to live off sandwiches. Inviting her over for dinner on days her mother works late, so that she doesn’t have to be alone. Loving Ami is doing everything that Mako was already doing, before, but now she can admit to herself why she does it.

Loving Ami is seeing the look on her face, after they kiss, and knowing that Mako is the only one who gets to see that expression. It’s seeing the awe in Ami’s eyes, and realising that she’s the one who put that there.

“I’ve been wanting to do that for months,” Ami says, bashful and happy. Her hands are still at Mako’s waist – Mako’s hands are still on Ami’s shoulders – and neither of them makes a move to remove them.

“So have I,” Mako says, and as she says it she realises it is true. “I just hadn’t figured it out yet.”

“Well, I’m glad you have now,” Ami tells her, and leans up for another kiss.

“Me too,” Mako says against her lips.

Loving Ami is easy. Letting herself love Ami – well, she’s glad she got there in the end.

\---

It’s been almost six months since the Sailor Senshi saved the world (again), and Rei can’t feel anything else ominous in their near future. There are still enemies to fight, of course, monsters making their way out of the woodwork. There are always still enemies to fight. But they seem to be isolated incidents, rather than part of some overarching plan. It is peaceful. Rei knows the peace won’t last forever, but she plans to relish it while it lasts.

Part of Rei’s plan for relishing the peace while it lasts is getting Ami a boyfriend. 

She knows her shy friend isn’t actually allergic to romance, as much as she likes to pretend she is sometimes. Ami has admitted as much herself, and Rei never forgets such pronouncements. She knows that Ami does want to find love. Ami’s problem, Rei knows, is that she’s just too shy, and too idealistic. She’s content to sit around and wait for love to come to her. But Rei knows that won’t work – Ami really needs to be more proactive about this.

Fortunately for her, Rei is on the case. She hasn’t made this into a proper mission, mostly because she doesn’t want to scare off Ami. But she keeps the goal in the back of her head, and acts on it when the opportunity arises.

An opportunity such as now, for example.

“Hey, Ami-chan,” she says, looking at a guy who is sitting alone a few tables over from the two of them, bent over a book. “Do you think that guy’s cute? He looks like your type.”

He is cute enough for a nerdy guy, Rei supposes. Not her type (of course), but he looks like the sort of guy Ami might go for.

Ami glances over at him and then looks back down into her tea. “He’s alright, I suppose.”

Coming from Ami about boys, that is a high compliment indeed, and Rei chalks this one down as a possible success.

“You should go over and talk to him.”

“Why?” asks Ami, and Rei wants to facepalm at how oblivious her friend to be.

“Because you think he’s cute. Come on, Ami-chan, you’ll never find love if you don’t put yourself out there.”

“No, that’s okay,” Ami says. “I’m already in a relationship.”

Immediately her face takes on the expression Rei has seen many times before – the mild panic that always follows a breakdown of Ami’s brain-to-mouth filter. Usually Rei thinks it’s cute, but today she’s too busy being shocked to process any of it. She spits out half a mouthful of tea, and so the next few minutes consist of Ami passing her napkins while Rei mops the liquid off the table and gets the worst of the stains out of her clothes.

When the tea has been cleaned up, Rei stares at Ami, who has sunk down a little in her chair and is trying to hide. “What did you just say?”

“Nothing,” Ami says quickly.

“Nothing my butt, Ami-chan. You’re dating someone? For how long, and why didn’t you tell us about it?”

Ami blushes and shrinks even further into her chair. “Yes, a month and a half, and I didn’t tell you guys because I knew you’d make this much of a fuss about it.”

“Well of course we would,” Rei tells her, “this is so exciting and I can’t believe you kept this hidden from me. Come on, you have to tell me more about him. How old is he? Where did you meet? How long have you known him? Why haven’t I heard anything about this guy before?”

“Um,” Ami says.

Rei keeps talking. “What does he look like? Where does he go to school? Or is he a college student? I bet he gets good grades like you, right?”

“Well, actually,” Ami says.

“Well actually what?” Rei asks, after it is clear Ami isn’t going to say anything else.

“Um,” Ami says. “I… I never actually said it was a he.”

This time Rei doesn’t have a mouthful of tea to spit out. Instead she sits and stares at her friend, gobsmacked, for a good minute. She’s mocking me, she thinks, but no, this is Ami, Ami would never do that. So no, she is serious, and this means that between Ami and Minako and Rei, the only straight people left in their group are Usagi and Makoto.

Makoto. Who stopped the strange awkwardness she’d had with Ami about – Rei does some quick mental maths – a month and a half ago. Who’d spent a week looking dazed and jolting back into conversations – at the time Rei had chalked it up to something, she doesn’t even remember what anymore, but now. Now it makes so much sense. And Ami, about the same time, smiling into notes she clearly wasn’t reading.

“Oh my god,” Rei says.

Now everything makes so much more sense. The few weeks of awkwardness, the way that awkwardness disappeared as quickly as it came. Rei can’t believe she hadn’t noticed earlier.

“Oh my god,” she says again. “You and Mako-chan.”

Ami nods. She’s still blushing, but now an uncontainable smile is spreading across her face. 

“Please don’t tell anyone,” she says. “Well, actually – Minako-chan already knows, so you can talk to her. But please don’t tell Usagi-chan.”

For an instant Rei feels hurt that Minako has found this out before her. But then she remembers, duh, as far as Ami and Mako know, Minako is the only other queer girl in their group. Of course they’d tell her first. Suddenly she feels achingly, desperately lonely, the usual isolation from the straight people around her coupling with the new gulf between herself and the not-straight friend who should be her ally. Would be her ally, if only she knew.

“Of course I won’t,” she promises. “My lips are sealed.”

“Thank you,” Ami says, smiling at her. “I want her to know, but, you know, we all remember what happened last time she thought one of us wasn’t straight.”

It takes Rei a second – Minako hasn’t actually told Usagi yet either, right? – but then she does remember. Makoto and Haruka, a few years ago. Oh. Poor Mako.

“I remember.”

“Yeah.” Ami sighs, takes another sip of tea. She’s visibly relaxed, now. “It sucks, Rei-chan. I’m still so happy – I’ve had a crush on her since forever,” she admits, reddening again, “but also I’m so sick of hiding. It feels like I’ve been hiding for so long, and I just want to tell the world how amazing she is. But also I’m – we both are – so scared of doing that. It sucks.”

“I get that,” Rei says.

Ami looks at her quizzically and Rei realises that maybe she’s said too much. But now, suddenly, the second she starts talking she doesn’t want to stop, and everything she’s bottling up for months comes tumbling out unbidden.

“It’s just – it’s, I know what you mean. About the closet, and stuff.”

“Rei-chan, you mean…?”

Rei can’t bring herself to look up at Ami, instead resolutely staring at the pile of damp napkins on the table in front of her. 

“I’m gay,” she says. It’s the first time she’s said it out loud. “And I’ve only been certain about it for four, five months now? And I already hate the closet but I can’t bring myself to come out of it.”

Ami reaches across the table to grasp one of Rei’s hands. Rei realises she is shaking, tries to force herself to stop. At least she isn’t crying. She looks up at Ami, finally, and notes with unsurprised relief that the other girl’s face has nothing but encouragement and kind understanding written on it.

“Well, you just told me,” Ami tells her, optimistically. “So that’s one less closet weighing you down, right?”

Rei has to smile at that, however weakly.

“Yeah, I suppose you’re right.”

\---

The next day Rei finds herself ambushed as she walks home from school.

“Ami told me you know,” Mako says, falling into step beside her. Her arms are crossed, and she isn’t smiling. Rei doesn’t think she’s angry, exactly, but the taller girl clearly isn’t pleased.

But that’s the least of Rei’s concerns. “What else did she tell you?” she asks, trying to keep her anxiety out of her voice.

“Well, she said you were fine with it, but given the circumstances I think you’ll forgive me for not believing her.”

Rei ignores Mako’s tone and the implications of what she’s just said. “And that was it?”

“Well, yes,” Mako says, and now she sounds a combination of confused and annoyed. “What else was she supposed to tell me?”

“Nothing,” Rei says. The second the word leaves her mouth, she wishes she could take it back. Her voice is too high, too shaky – it clearly isn’t nothing.

Mako picks up on it too. She quirks an eyebrow and says nothing.

“Ugh,” says Rei. She wants to bang her head against the nearest wall. Or run and hide, or something.

Mako still says nothing, just keeps staring at her.

“Look, I’m gay, okay,” Rei says finally, angrily. “And Ami-chan knows, and I should have known she wouldn’t tell anyone, but now I’ve clearly walked myself into a corner, and – why are you laughing?”

Because Mako is laughing. She’s stopped moving, and is leaning with a hand against the wall, looking down at where it meets the street. She is laughing hysterically, all traces of her earlier defensiveness gone from her posture.

It takes about five minutes – during which Rei gets progressively more irritated and more confused – for Mako to calm down.

“I’m sorry, Rei-chan,” she wheezes, when she’s finally controlled herself. “It’s just so funny.”

“What’s so funny?”

“Us,” Mako says, and starts laughing again. “Don’t you see? We spent so much time fighting, and we were doing the exact same thing.”

\---

Life goes on. It is a relief, Rei admits, to finally be able to talk about the feelings that have been weighing down on her for months, for years. She doesn’t talk about it much with Mako, after that conversation where they finally, properly, apologised to each other, but she spends a lot of time with Ami. Their friendship has always been characterised by the kind of open honesty Rei shies away from with anyone else, even the others. Talking to her oldest friend is easy, has always been easy. Even about this. Especially about this.

Life goes on. Rei goes out for drinks with Ami, teases her about Mako, talks to her about anything and everything. She goes window shopping with Minako, rolls her eyes when they inevitably end up in the arcade again, and then loans Minako some coins so she can reclaim her high score from the guy who had the nerve to usurp her. She yells at Usagi for stealing her manga (and then recommends her a different series, because the one Usagi borrowed isn’t very good).

Life goes on. There are still monsters to fight, so the senshi go out to fight them. End-of-year exams come and go; Ami, as usual, is determined to make them all pass. There is a group of Rei’s friends at the shrine almost every day.

Today it’s just the four inner senshi gathered in Rei’s room. Rei sits on the floor, her back against her bed and her legs straight out in front of her. Ami and Mako sit against a wall, leaning against each other. Minako is sprawled on Rei’s bed, looking up at the ceiling as she talks about an anime she’s recently watched.

“It’s so great,” she says, clearly targeting her comments to Mako and Ami. Sometimes, Rei feels like the three of them have a secret queer girl club she’s not a part of, and gets a little annoyed. Then she gets annoyed at herself for being dumb; all she needs to do to fix that is tell Minako. If she’s still too scared to tell a friend she knows won’t judge her then she doesn’t have the right to complain.

Minako continues. “You guys should watch it.”

Mako smiles and shakes her head. “I’m not really an anime person, you know.”

“Neither am I,” Ami says.

“No, but this is really great,” Minako tells them. “You should try this one out, at least.”

“Nah, the manga’s better,” Rei says, without thinking.

“You always think that,” Minako says, and then, “Wait, you’ve read that manga, Rei-chan? I didn’t think that genre was really your thing.”

Rei freezes, realises she’s said too much.

“Rei-chan likes a lot of things you wouldn’t expect,” Ami says lightly. “Remember that time the Dark Kingdom tried to take over the Sailor V anime?”

Rei doesn’t know whether to love her friend for changing the subject or hate her for changing it to this. But it works, of course it does, because Minako can’t resist the fact that her alter ego is such a wildly successful franchise.

“You guys were involved with the Sailor V anime?”

“It was a long time ago,” Ami tells her. “This was when it had just been announced. It was only Rei-chan, Usagi-chan and me, then.”

“Oh yeah,” Rei says. “Remember how they almost changed it so she died in the end?”

Minako is not amused. “They did what now?”

“It’s okay, Minako-chan,” Ami says. “We fought the youma and then everything went back to business as usual.”

“But what does Rei-chan have to do with any of this?” Mako asks.

“Ah,” Ami says, “well, the whole thing started when I found a folder belonging to one of the animators…”

“Ami-chan…” Rei warns.

Ami ignores her, continues with the story. Rei throws a pillow at her to shut her up before she gets to the humiliating bit. Mako retaliates, defending her girlfriend’s honour, and soon the whole thing has devolved into a four-way play fight.

Life goes on.

\---

It is barely a week later that Rei gets home one day to find Minako lying on her bed, reading her manga. The sight isn’t particularly unusual – she swears Usagi and Minako never buy any of their own, geez. So she drops her bag by the door and tells Minako, “you could at least ask” with only a small amount of venom.

It is then that she sees which of her manga Minako is reading.

“What the hell,” Rei demands, storming over and yanking the book out of Minako’s hands. “Where did you find that?”

Minako looks up at her innocently. “It was just lying around.”

“No, it wasn’t,” Rei tells her. She knows better than to keep anything compromising just lying around in her room – her (embarrassingly sizeable) collection of yuri manga is kept securely hidden away where no one should be able to find it accidentally. If Minako found it, she must have been looking for it.

Minako ignores her. “You have a very big collection, Rei-chan. I’m impressed.”

Rei glares at her.

“Don’t worry,” Minako says. “I won’t tell Usagi-chan.”

Rei starts. “Who said anything about Usagi?”

“It was obvious. Once I figured this” – Minako waves at the pile of manga Rei now notes is sitting beside her bed – “out, the rest was easy. You’re not exactly subtle, Rei-chan.”

“Oh, great,” Rei says. She throws up her hands. “This is just great.” Then a thought hits her. “Oh god, does this mean Ami-chan and Mako-chan know about Usagi too?”

“Do they know you like girls?”

Rei nods.

“Well,” Minako tells her, “that probably means they do.”

“And Usagi?” she asks in horror.

“Don’t worry,” Minako says. “You know Usagi-chan. Oblivious as a brick, that girl. Your secret is safe with us.”

“Great,” Rei says.

\---

“I have a plan,” Minako tells Mako, flopping down onto the park bench beside her.

“You do?” Mako asks, slightly alarmed. She knows which way Minako’s plans tend to go. Not Venus’ plans – those are fine – but Minako’s plans. The non-mission-related ones. “What about?”

“Well, you know about Rei-chan’s massive and obvious lesbian crush on Usagi-chan?”

“Um,” says Mako.

Minako rolls her eyes. “Look, Mako-chan, I know she’s gay. It’s okay, you don’t need to try and lie to keep her closeted.”

“She finally told you?”

“I figured it out,” Minako says. “And then I talked to her about it.” She pauses. “Wait, finally? How long have you known?”

“Since about as long as she’s known about me and Ami. So a while, I guess?”

“Aw, man, why did I have to be the last one in on this gossip?”

“You were the first to know about me and Ami,” Mako reminds her. “Well, except for us, obviously. And Usagi-chan still doesn’t know about any of this.” She frowns. “Actually, I feel kind of guilty about that.”

“Yeah, we really should tell her sometime.”

Mako grins. “We could all tell her together. ‘Hey Usagi-chan, guess what, none of your friends are straight.’”

Minako giggles. “She would freak out.”

“Yeah.” Makoto’s good mood vanishes as fast as it came. “Yeah, that’s kind of my problem.”

Minako squeezes her shoulder. “It’s okay, you don’t have to tell her anything yet.”

Mako smiles down at her friend. “Thanks. It’s nice, having you and Rei-chan and Ami on my side.”

“Well, that’s what friends are for,” Minako says. She smirks. “You know what else friends are for?”

Mako takes the bait. “What?”

“Friends don’t let friends pine hopelessly over a girl who’s taken. We need to help Rei-chan get over Usagi-chan.”

“This is the plan you were talking about?”

“Yep.”

Mako waits, and sure enough, Minako continues.

“What we need to do is show Rei-chan that there are other fish in the sky.”

“Other fish in the sea, Minako-chan.”

Minako waves her off. “Other fish in the sea, whatever. You know what I mean. We need to show her options. Other girls, ones who are interested in girls, to take her mind off Usagi-chan.”

“How are we going to do that? All the ones I know are taken. Well, other than you…”

“Well, that’s why we’ll take her to meet new ones!” Minako says, and produces a stack of fake IDs from her jacket pocket. “I know where the gay clubs are in town. All we have to do is take Rei-chan there, and then everything will sort itself out.”

Mako is unconvinced, but Minako has made up her mind now. There’s no stopping her when she’s like this; all Mako can do is tag along and play damage control. And hey, maybe have fun too. She isn’t particularly keen on lying to get in the door, but Mako likes dancing. It could be fun.

It is fun. It’s nice, being with Ami (who, after much persuading by Minako, agreed to come along) in public, in places Mako knows won’t care. It’s fun watching Minako’s and Rei’s antics. It’s fun (well, after the awkwardness has cleared off) when they bump into Haruka and Michiru, because of course they would, how could Mako have thought they wouldn’t. It’s fun, getting another chance to dance with Ami, see the grin on her face when Mako spins her around.

She wishes Usagi were here, though. It isn’t like they never hang out without her – they do, all the time, and Mako knows the other four hang out without her as well – but somehow today she misses her.

It’s just the secrets, she thinks. Mako hates keeping secrets, but she also hates the idea of telling Usagi this one.

\---

Usagi hears the voices, wafting down from the Hikawa Shrine, before her friends see her.

“I still can’t believe you did that, Mina-chan…”

“Oh, and then when Haruka-san and Michiru-san showed up…”

“Oh man, the looks on their faces…”

“And remember that girl with the pink dress?”

“The one with the bows?”

“Yeah, that one. Remember how she…”

They’re all talking about something they did without her. It’s not that Usagi begrudges her friends hanging out together when she’s busy, but this time it sounds like they did something really exciting. And they didn’t even invite her! This is just like that time with the airplane all over again.

The second Usagi gets far enough up the stone steps to see them they stop talking, instantly. Her friends couldn’t be more suspicious if they tried, and Usagi’s mood sours further. Not only were they doing something without her, but now they’re trying to hide it. How long has this been going on?

Why don’t they want to include Usagi in this?

“What were you guys talking about?” she asks, failing to keep the pout out of her voice.

“Nothing,” Minako says.

Usagi knows it isn’t nothing. The near-identical guilty looks her friends all wear can tell her that much.

“I know you’re lying to me,” she tells them. “What is it?”

When none of them answer, Usagi feels another surge of betrayal. She thought they were all friends. But now it turns out that then four of them have been doing things together, behind her back, for god knows how long. They didn’t even try to include her, and now they’re not even bothering to try and explain themselves.

“You know what,” she says, after a silence that drags on too long to be comfortable, “you don’t have to tell me. I have better places to be than here, anyway.”

As she marches back down the steps away from the shrine she hears Rei call her name. But Usagi doesn’t stop, and no one runs after her.

\---

Days earlier, Usagi complains at them that Naru and Umino think she’s gay.

“Someone really should tell her,” says Minako, and the others agree. No one takes the initiative to act on it, though.

Now, now that Usagi is angry and upset at them for keeping secrets, they agree that there is no other option but to tell her.

“Safety in numbers, right?” Mako says.

Ami squeezes her hand. “Usagi-chan will be fine.”

“Easy for you to say,” Rei grumbles.

“Well you don’t have to tell her,” Mako points out.

“No, that won’t work,” Ami says. “She’s upset about us keeping secrets from her, so we’ll need to explain that conversation she overheard. It has to be all of us, together.”

The four friends all look at each other.

“Let’s do this,” Minako says.

\---

Mako bakes a cake. The others offer to help but she shoos them out of her kitchen with threats of bodily harm. It takes a few to dissuade Minako, but eventually all three girls are safely in her lounge and out of the danger zone.

Instead, Rei calls Mamoru.

“Yes, I know she’s mad at us… No, I know she won’t really listen to any of us, that’s why I’m asking you… Look, I’d love for us to all march over and talk sense into her, but we want to have this conversation in private… Are you helping or not? Great, thanks.”

Mamoru keeps his promise. The cake has barely cooled enough to be iced when Usagi knocks at the door of Makoto’s apartment. Minako lets her in, and there is a brief awkward silence until Mako comes in from the kitchen, carrying the cake. She is still wearing her apron.

“We made you a cake,” she says, unnecessarily, setting it down on the table.

“By which she means, ‘Mako made you a cake’,” Ami says. “None of the rest of us helped.”

“Ami-chan,” Rei and Minako say, glaring at her.

Usagi has to smile at her friends’ antics, and then she remembers she’s still mad at them and looks away.

“Also, we’re sorry,” Mako says. The other three quickly agree.

“We’re sorry for excluding you,” Minako says.

“It’s just -” Ami says, and pauses. “Look, Usagi-chan, this isn’t an excuse, but it’s a reason. We were scared. So we’ve all be keeping secrets.”

“Scared of what?” Usagi asks. She is now thoroughly confused.

“Usagi,” Rei says, and stops.

“When you heard us talking,” Minako continues, barely missing a beat, “we were talking about going out the night before. To a gay club.”

“That’s so rude,” Usagi says. “I know gay guys are really cute, but they’re gay, guys. They don’t like girls.”

Ami puts her head in her hands.

“You’re an idiot, Usagi,” Rei tells her. 

“You’re so mean, Rei-chan. I thought you were supposed to be apologising.”

“We. Went. To. A. Gay. Club. Together. And we didn’t do it to pick up guys.”

“Oh,” Usagi says. “Oh. But, wait, don’t you all like guys? You can’t be gay.”

“You know, there are more sexualities than straight and gay,” Ami says, raising her head out of her hands and going pink. “There’s a whole spectrum of human attraction.”

When Usagi looks blank, Minako says. “Bisexuality is a thing, Usagi-chan. I like guys and I like girls.”

“And the rest of you?”

“I’m like Minako-chan,” Mako says. “Rei-chan -”

“Would like to speak for herself, thank you very much,” Rei snaps. “I’m a lesbian.”

“But Rei-chan,” Usagi says, “I’ve seen you mooning over guys with the others.”

“Well,” Rei says, voice rising, “maybe I spent years pretending to be something I wasn’t, and that included fawning over guys I tried to trick myself into finding attractive, and maybe some of that had to do with the way people around me reacted to anyone who wasn’t straight.”

“None of us ever had a problem with Haruka-san and Michiru-san,” Usagi protests.

“’Oh, surely they can’t be a couple, they’re two girls.’ ‘Oh, Mako-chan, surely you can’t like Haruka-san, she’s a girl.’ ‘Oh, getting married to a lovely young man is every girl’s dream,’” Rei snaps, raising her voice to mimic Usagi. “Sure, you never had a problem, but it was always someone else. It could never be us.”

Usagi recoils in shock. “And the rest of you, you felt like this too?”

“A little,” Ami says, at the same time as Makoto says, “definitely.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry,” she says, sincere. “I had no idea. I never meant to make you guys feel bad.”

“We know,” Minako tells her. “But you understand why we didn’t tell you know?”

“It still hurts,” Usagi says. “But I think I understand. I’m sorry.”

“Friends again?” Mako asks.

“Friends again,” Usagi agrees.

\---

Later, Usagi will come to Ami, tell her that she and Mako are completely a-dor-a-ble together and that she feels like an idiot for not noticing earlier. Then she will blush, and look sheepish, and ask for Ami to teach her more about the sexuality spectrum.

“I thought I was a normal straight girl,” she admits, “but now that it turns out none of my friends are straight I don’t know anymore. Maybe I do notice girls in a way straight girls don’t.”

Ami will laugh, and oblige, and admit in turn that she doesn’t know how much help she can be in terms of personal experience.

“I just don’t really notice people, not the way I think you guys do.”

“I thought that was just you being shy,” Usagi will say, and grin and wink at her. “But you notice Mako-chan plenty, right?”

Ami will blush furiously, because some things never change.

\---

Later, Minako will remember Usagi saying “noticing other women is normal, right?”, and she will sneak into Rei’s room and steal her best yuri manga.

Later, Usagi will be walking home, and she will be greeted by a blonde girl hiding in a trench coat, holding a package.

“Read these,” the mysterious figure will say, handing her the package, “and return to the Hikawa Shrine before their owner notices they’re gone.”

“Minako-chan,” Usagi will say, but by then the hooded figure will have vanished back into the darkness.

\---

Later, Rei will notice her manga missing, and turn the shrine upside down looking for them. A few days later, Usagi will bring them back, and say she liked them, and ask for recommendations. And for once in her life, Rei won’t be able to think of a snappy comeback.

\---

Later, Usagi will find Makoto, on the way to school.

“I’m really sorry, Mako-chan,” she will say. “I wish I’d never said any of those things to you, back with Haruka-san.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Mako will say, and mean it. “After all, it all worked out in the end.”

\---

Life goes on. And, maybe, just maybe, it is here that it really begins.

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is saved on my computer as ‘InWhichBNTNisSMTrash’ and I think that says it all.
> 
> Ok it really does say it all, I’ve spent ages trying to come up with something else to say in this. I guess it’s worth noting that this was almost entirely based exclusively off anime!verse and the subtext I observed there, rather than merging the anime with other versions of canon.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed my contribution to a very old fandom for a show I’ve been meaning to watch for years but only just got around to, and instantly fell in love with. (No, like, I started watching for Haruka and Michiru, but by the time episode 90 rolled around the Inners had stolen my heart completely and although the Outers are great, my heart will forever belong to Ami, Rei, Mako and Minako.)


End file.
